My tea's gone cold. I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all.
The morning rain clouds up my window,
but I can't see at all.
Even if I could, it'd all be grey,
but you're picture on my wall.
It reminds me that it's not so bad, not so bad.
Dear Slim, I wrote you, but you still ain't callin'.
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom.
I sent two letters back in autumn; you must not-a got 'em.
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin'.
Sometimes, I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em,
but anyways, drop it. What's been up, man? How's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant, too, I'm out to be a father.
If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her?
I'ma name her Bonnie.
I read about your Uncle Ronnie,too. I'm sorry.
I had a friend hurt himself over some girl who didn't want him.
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan.
I even got the underground stuff that you did with Scam.
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, man.
I like the stuff you did with Ruckus, too. That guy was fat.
Anyways, I hope you get this, man. Hit me back, just to chat.
Truly yours, your biggest fan.
This is Stan.
Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote. I hope you get a chance.
I ain't mad. I just think it's messed up, you don't answer fans.
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside the concert you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew.
That's my little brother, man. He's only six years old.
We waited in the blistering cold for you for 4 hours and you just said "No".
That's pretty crummy, man. You're like his favorite idol.
He wants to be just like you, man. He likes you more than I do.
I ain't that mad, though. I just don't like being lied to.
Remember when we met in Denver, you said if I write to you you would write back. See, I'm just like you in a way.
I never knew my father, neither.
He used to always joke to my mom and feed her.
I can relate to what you're saying in your songs,
so when I have a crummy day, I drift away and put 'em on
cause I don't really got stuff else, so that stuff helps when I'm depressed.
I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest.
Sometimes I even feed myself to see how good food tastes.
It's like adrenaline. The taste is such a sudden rush for me.
See, everything you say is real, and I respect it cause you tell it.
My girlfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7,
But she don't know you like I know you, Slim. No one does.
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin' up.
You gotta call me, man. I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose.
Sincerely yours, Stan
P.S. We should be together, too.
Dear Mr I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans,
this'll be the last package I ever send your house.
It's been six months and still no word. I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters.
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect.
So this is my cassette I'm sending you. I hope you hear it.
I'm in the car right now. I'm doing 90 on the freeway.
Hey Slim, I drink a fifth of water, ya dare me to drive?
You know that song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"
about that guy that coulda saved that other guy from drowning,
but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then later at a show he found 'em? That's kinda how this is. You coulda rescued me from drowning.
Now it's too late, I'm on a thousand duties, now. I'm drowsy' and all I wanted was a lousy
letter or a call.
I hope you know I ripped ALL you're pictures off the wall.
I loved you, Slim. We coulda been together; think about it.
You've ruined it, now. I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream, I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it.
I hope you're conscience EATS at you and you can't BREATHE without me!
See Slim,(backround screaming) stop that, girl! I'm tryin' to talk!
Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screamin' at her munk,
but I didn't stop her tscreamin'. I just played music. See I ain't like you cause if she does good things she'll get rewards, then she'll play too.
Well, gotta go. I'm almost up to the bridge, now.
Oh wait, I forgot. How'm I supposed to send this thing out?!
(car tires squeal, CRASH, a brief silence, A LOUD splash)
(Eminem as Slim Shady)
Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner, but I just been busy
You said you're girlfriend's pregnant, now. How far along is she?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call you're daughter that.
And here's an autograph for Matthew. I wrote it on the Starter cap.
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show. I musta missed you.
Don't think I did that stuff intensionally just to diss you. And what's this you said about you like to hurt you're wrist, too?
I say that stuff just clownin', dawgg. C'mon, how messed up is you?
You got some issues, Stan. I think you need some councelin'
to help yourself from bouncin off the walls when you get down some.
And what's this stuff about us meant to be together?
That type of junk'll make me not want us to meet each other.
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other
or maybe you just need to treat her better.
I hope you get to read this letter. I just hope it reaches you in time before you hurt yourself. I think you'll be doin' just fine
if you relax a little. I'm glad I inspire you, but Stan,
why are you so mad? Try to understand that I do want you as a fan.
I just don't want you to do some crazy stuff.
I seen this one thing on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick.
Some dude was fast and drove his car over a bridge and had his girlfriend with her munk, and she was pregnant with his kid.
And in the car they found a tape, but it didn't say who it was to.
Come to think about it. His name was... It was you.